Yes, I think you are right that there is often a disconnect about needs, or in terms of empathy.

My wife and I are friends with a couple. Both work, but the wife does everything in the house - including the guy's laundry. I have never even allowed my wife to do my laundry if she offered. Just because she is willing to do his does not mean that he should let her. She is kind and generous; he is wrapped up in his own needs. I think it is as you say - if I understand your comment - a lack of empathy on his part.