The advice is excellent, but there are nuances of course. It is really about having aligned values. Some women (like my sister) want to be a homemaker. Very few men do. Also, for many couples, one spouse wants children more urgently than the other, and so the person driving the decision tends to end up with the greater role.

Women also feel a clock ticking, and so I believe that men tend to want children later than women do, so if a couple are close in age, that might create a value difference, and the woman might get stuck with the kids because it’s “her thing”. And that’s unfair and terrible.

There is also a significant obstacle in our society: Our society is not structured to support families. Back when most women were homemakers, there was a much needed person at home, to take care of the domestic side of things. When women entered the workforce en masse, instead of the work world adapting to accommodate two working parents, the expectations of men was thrust on women.

So today, with an oppressive 40 hour week, people rush around in the morning to walk dogs and get kids to daycare, rush to their job, rush back at the end of the day to pick up kids, rush out to walk the dog, rush out to do some exercise, rush back to make dinner, rush to help kids with homework and give then a frantic “how was your day?” and then — time for bed, and little time for talking or reflecting or having a meaningful exchange of any kind.

It is too much. A working couple needs a live-in helper; or they need a 30 hour work week. Our current setup is too burdensome. If a couple can’t afford a live-in helper or to both reduce their work hours, then their cost of living is too high and it is not really feasible for them to raise a family and also have a sane, peaceful, non-frantic life in which they stay healthy and stay connected with each other and their family members.