Indeed Gillian, as Molly says, society’s narrative that women who are raped are “broken” and should be ashamed. That need not be the case. The person who rapes is the broken one. The person who was raped is not at fault and has nothing — nothing — to be ashamed of. There should be no shame in saying “I was raped”, any more than there should be shame in “I was walking along and someone hit me from behind on the head”.

During college I had three close friends — a group of women who lived a few doors down. They told me that two of them had been raped. I was shocked. I learned then how common it was. I was glad that they told me. I did not see them differently in any way — why would I? Them telling me about it made me more aware of how common it is, and their challenge in walking around campus at night. Men need to know that — the men who don’t rape don’t realize how common rape is, and how vulnerable women feel.

By staying quiet about it, a woman perpetuates the nonsensical narrative that being raped is shameful. Women should speak up: “I was raped”, and feel no shame. Only then can other men provide support, by rallying around the victim, which will show rapists that they are a sick minority and that their poisonous treatment of women is not accepted by normal men. Rape is not a women’s issue: it is a societal issue. It needs to be included in mainstream conversation.

Don’t feel like a victim: if you do, the rapist wins.