Hi Serah,

I hear you. Please bear with me while I explain my thinking: I will come around to a supportive stance at the end:

My contention, which aligns with how scientists have long viewed the issue, is that “male” and “female” are not social labels — they are biological labels that categorize the reproductive traits. Yes, organisms that have “male” reproduction tend to correlate with other traits; but historically, those traits were not part of being “male” — they were just correlated traits. So, having a particular brain structure does not make one “male” or “female”. Gender has historically been determined only by reproductive organs. And yes, those can sometimes get mixed up and people can have inconsistently formed sex organs. In that case, their reproductive gender is ambiguous — one cannot put a label on it.

We get into very ambiguous ground if we try to make the labels “male” and “female” any more than categories pertaining to reproductive features. The entire trans movement is, IMO, misguided because it is trying to apply “male” and “female” to personality traits: “I feel like a man”, etc. To most people, there is no such feeling.

My argument is applying a gender label to one’s personality is pointless, because in order to apply the label “male” or “female” to one’s personality, one must categorize personalities, but people are so varied that that is probably hopeless, and why do it?

Yes, I understand that using a particular gender label makes you feel better. And that’s a good thing. But I do think it is a compulsion, because most people don’t feel anxiety about the issue. Amelia Earhart acted like a man, but she felt no compulsion to claim to be a man.

I myself think that I am actually very feminine in my inner nature: it is something I have known all my life, even as a small child. But it is not something that has bothered me. I just shrug it off. In contrast, trans people seem to have a great deal of anxiety about it. That makes it a compulsion, by definition. It is classic compulsive behavior.

Having a compulsion does not make you “broken”. It is not something to be ashamed of. I compulsively bite my fingers. So what. I am completely functional in every other way — have created successful companies, published books, have some great friends. Your friends should accept that labeling yourself as a particular gender relieves your anxiety. They should want that for you. Those who persecute you for your condition are assholes.

And what if there were a “cure”? Is being trans now the goal? Some people in the deaf community are fearful that there will be cures for deafness because that would destroy their “way of life”. Is being trans like that? What if there were a pill that would take away all of the anxiety you feel about accepting your reproductive gender? I am asking. It is an interesting question, as we learn more and more about the brain.

My step son is gay. I often wonder what he would want to do if there were a medical intervention that could make him heterosexual. I expect he would choose to remain gay, because he does not feel like being gay is a problem: he is fine with himself. But being trans has so many challenges, so I wonder what people would choose if there were a choice.

And some day it might be possible to actually change one’s reproductive sex. Today it is not really — it is kind of fake. But some day it might be possible, to make all the required changes down to the chromosomal level. The interesting thing is that at that point, you would have to ask, “Well, if I have been claiming that my brain is really gender X, but my sex organs are Y, do I only change Y? What about my chromosomes? What about all the other parts of my biology that have been correlated with being Y? — do I change them too?” It would become a very complicated thing, but perhaps one could “design” one’s body and “make it so”.

At that point, the whole trans debate would become moot, because anyone could choose to make their reproductive gender align with the gender that they choose to be, and in terms of every aspect of one’s body.

You are right in your last paragraph. The last thing I want to do is offend someone. My aim is always to have frank conversation and debate. I have spoken with other trans people about this. Some have told me that it does feel like a compulsion for them. But perhaps for you it is different.

Above all, I fully support your need to live the way you choose, and be accepted as a valid person — regardless of how you view your situation. Most of us have inconvenient traits — some traits are just more inconvenient than others.