Hi Lisa.

Your story is a common one sadly. And yes, the statistics are as you say.

Even so, I don't think it is helpful to single out a race or gender. If this situation is framed as "us versus them", we will not make progress.

And generalizations like that are not always recognizable to people. The one teacher I had in school who was mean to me was a female teacher. And of the people in my life who tried to harm me, three out of four of them were women.

I have always been an advocate for women - since before that was socially expected. Perhaps it is because my sister has always been my best friend. And the person who inspired me to restart my study of math and physics is a woman (and a brilliant theoretical physicist).

The vast majority of men I have known have not been misogynistic. (I do tend to circulate with people who have a high level of education, and that demographic might be more evolved in their attitudes.) In any case, it is not helpful to single out genders or races when pointing to toxic behavior. It weakens the argument and alienates some people who would otherwise agree.

"Ask yourself why you feel defensive"

Because it unfairly targets me, as a member of the "white" and "men" category. And it is a common trope. It is fashionable today to label "old" and "white" men, as if all of us have labeled others, but I have not, so it is unfair to me. That's why I feel defensive.

I loathe men who mistreat women, or anyone. I once saw a man mistreating his small daughter, and I called Child Protective Services and gave them his vehicle's license number. When I see someone give a woman a hard time in social media, I chime in and stand up for the woman. That's what more men should do.

I hope that it is not too late for you to study archaeology. I plan to pursue a PhD when I turn 70. 70 is the new 40 ;-)

Very best,

Cliff